Jess Owens 
If you’re autistic, there are a million reasons why looking after a baby can be hellish. The noise, the smells, the constant interruptions, the endless stream of visitors… the list goes on. The usual advice rarely works the same for an autistic parent as it does for a neurotypical parent (God forbid someone else should attempt to load my dishwasher), so for many of us, learning to cope is simply a matter of trial and error.
The early days
When my daughter was born, life as I knew it was turned upside down. The days were an onslaught of clutter and sensory overload; but as she grew older and I began to claw back a little control, I realised that I had strengths as a parent that I’d never anticipated. And they weren’t in spite of my autism; they were because of it.
The reality of Autism and parenting
To start with the most superficial; I have a lot of plastic cutlery. My sensory issues mean that the sound of scraping metal feels like hot knives on my eardrums, so shortly after my diagnosis, I bought a load of camping cutlery and cups and plastic plates with cartoon characters on. Now my daughter is eating three meals a day, she needs a whole host of paraphernalia for mealtimes; but I honestly didn’t have to buy very much. In addition to this, my simplistic palette means that apples and peanut butter and little toast soldiers are the perfect meal for me, so we often end up sharing our dinner. To put it simply, when you eat like a toddler, feeding a toddler is pretty straightforward.
Routine is Gold
Another field in which I excel is routine and repetition. You want to watch Bluey for four hours’ straight? Cool, so do I. You want to walk to the exact same pond to feed the exact same ducks that we fed yesterday? Excellent, sign me up. You want me to read you The Very Hungry Caterpillar for the twelfth night running? No problem. Small children are notoriously rigid in their interests and how they like to spend their time, which aligns perfectly with my autistic need for structure and familiarity. It takes a long time for me to get bored of something, which is just as well when you have a one-year-old to entertain.
Breaking stereotypes
Finally, I think one of my greatest strengths as a parent is a direct consequence of my autism: empathy. When my daughter has a meltdown because her porridge doesn’t taste right or she can’t find her favourite toy, it doesn’t make me angry, because I understand those feelings completely. Feeling deep frustration at matters out of my control is an almost daily struggle for me, and I’ve lost count of the amount of times my emotions have been dismissed as trivial or dramatic. I know exactly what it’s like to have a big problem which everyone else thinks is small; and I try to remember this every time a new tantrum ensues.
Parenting is tough for everyone, there’s no doubt about that. Add a disability into the mix, and taking care of a baby can often feel like an impossible task. There’s no denying that being autistic has contributed to some specific struggles when tackling a sticky little chaos gremlin; but it has also led to some unexpected strengths. My autism has helped me in a number of ways when it comes to parenting, both emotional and practical, and the most valuable thing it has taught me by far is to be mindful and patient whenever I can. Being autistic is hard sometimes; and other times, it makes things incredibly simple.
If you want to read more about my experiences as an autistic adult, take a look at my blog, https://thewyrdsisters.co.uk/blog/
