Will my autistic child find love and how can you support my autistic adult child to navigate love, dating, and relationships are common questions?
For many autistic teenagers and adults, love, dating, and marriage can be complex, confusing, and met with misunderstanding. However, recent research suggests autistic adults have a similar level of romantic interest but less relationship success and lower satisfaction with romantic connections than Neurotypical individuals. And, for many parents, the question of love and dating has inevitably entered your thoughts at some stage for your teenager or adult autistic children.
For many parents of autistic children, the conversation has revolved around support needs, social skills, education, and therapies for many years. There are questions, oh there are many questions about education and employment. Especially as a child in the lead-up to the completion of secondary education. But there seem to be very few conversations about finding love or dating.
Is it really porn?
I do hate to break it to you, but there is a high probability that your child has already been exposed to Pornography or explicit images. In a 2017 research paper it was reported that (44%) of children aged 9–16 had encountered sexual images in the last month.
Therefore, discussing respectful behaviour, boundaries, and consent as early as possible is essential. Especially as our children become teenagers. This is vital in order to protect both your child and to protect the boundaries of others.
Keep it simple to begin with
It doesn’t need to be all the information all at once. Instead, find opportunities to discuss observations about relationships you witness daily. For example, you may observe a couple holding hands or kissing. Because you are using examples that can be seen, it is a great way to discuss the boundaries and expectations of a relationship and have examples to reinforce the message.
Keep the conversation going. Granted it can be uncomfortable, but it is important our children feel safe and be armed with information that can assist in keep safe.
What if they have no interest in dating?
For some autist individuals, being in a relationship is not essential or even wanted. They may even tell you they do not care if they meet someone. As a parent and carers, we must respect this. That doesn’t mean your child can’t change their mind later down the track. It means we must be respectful and not force the issue or make decisions for them. Autism and love is a complex for all involved and observing.
What is important is that we be supportive and provide opportunities for our children to meet a whole range of individuals who may share similar interests. It is no secret that friendships and shared interests can lead to relationships should our children wish to pursue the opportunity.
There are some fantastic, supported travel groups and autistic-led social groups in our free online Autism Directory. Providing opportunities to build friendships and for our children to gain confidence. Start slowly and be led by your child.
There are also disability and autistic-led dating sights. These can significantly support our young people to set a path to a potential life partner intentionally. However, our children must feel safe knowing that they can halt the dating or social process at any time. There is nothing wrong with going slowly.
The meddling parent.
This point may be the hardest for us parents. But, when and if our children start dating, we must resist the urge to get involved. It can be almost impossible to witness our children making mistakes or even getting their hearts broken. But they are important lessons for our children to learn and experience. It shapes character and resilience. The exception is if we see abuse or actions that may put our children in danger.
However, we do need to be reminded that if our children are old enough and capable of dating, then we need to trust that we have given them the skills to navigate love, dating, and maybe even marriage. Autism and love are not mutually exclusive and can led to lifelong partnerships and families.